Uneasy ground

I'm really not sure if I can do this.

I missed some of my medicine today.
Stayed up way too late on the internet.

My mind just runs so incoherently.
It's all a blur.

I always hate myself for this.
After all, it's my lack of self-control that did this, right?

Is it really my fault, though?

Some people ponder that question.
But that's not the kind of philosophy I'm into.

If I'm suffering I'm suffering.
I pay no mind to arguing the cause in this state.

Sometimes it's thrilling to be manic.
But must of the time I am suffering.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I just don't feel comfortable.
I always feel stressed.
I constantly panic about my situation.

I feel lost.
I feel like my life is being sapped away from me.
That I'm cheated from living my life.

If only I were better at communicating my pain.

Most people don't take this seriously.
But I need sometime to.

I'm not suicidal.
But I simply cannot live like this anymore.

I'm just waiting for my next break.