Flat.

I have a very flat affect.
And apparently, overall, it's "very obviously depressed".

I've always considered my mood to be "neutral" most of the time.
I've wrestled with what it actually means to be dysthymic or depressed.

I know most people think depression is about crying.
I'm well aware that it's not limited to just that.
I realize it's a general low mood.

I just thought what I was feeling was more a void of happiness.
As opposed to feeling sadness.

I don't feel sad.
I don't feel happy, either.
At least not particularly.

I didn't see it as a good thing.
Though, I didn't see it as all that terrible.
I thought that maybe it would be nice to be happy.
And I mean generally happy, not moments of happiness.

There are people who are just happy with life.
I envy them.